Satan has possesed PHPEclipse
|Reported by:||ed_mann||Owned by:|
Description (last modified by ed_mann)
I just installed the nightly and my monitor started to drip blood. It freaked me out, at first i thought maybe a pipe above my desk had sprung a leak, and the rust from it was causing a red color like blood and was dripping on my monitor.
It got even stranger my laptop display started to rotate around and around saying "He's here!". That there sent chills down my spine.
I tried to shut down my computer, but this face like Satan's appeared. "I own you boy" he said. I was freaking out. I tried to run but i could not move. "Where do you think you are going?" He asked with this evil smile on his face. "You are now my toy and you will do my bidding." With that i found my hands typing on the keyboard, and i was adding more and more bugs into the code for PHPEclipse. All the while there was this hideous laugh in the background. Then the laughs truned from one to two to three then five. Then the faces of ajt, incastrix, scorphus, mbowie, pombreda all appeared on my screen, they were all laughing and pointing at me saying "We are going to tar and feather you ed_mann. To many bugs you have created in our project". I don't know what to do. I closed my eyes and held them shut as tight as i could, thinking this was just a bad dream. Then i heard his voice again and he was not happy. "What are you doing?" he said. "I did not tell you to close your eyes." Just then my eyes opened on there own and i could see his face again, and all the other developers. "You are going to code and code. There will be no rest for you" At this time my body had started to sweat profusely, and i was shaking. My hands had started to type again. This time i was adding code that would only work in Eclipse 3.3. I knew it was wrong, i was trying to stop. But nothing i did helped. It seemed the more i would try to stop typing, the faster i would type. And the laughs, oh the laughs they never stopped. All of them were just laughing at me and letting me know how much they were going to enjoy the tar and feather party.
Then i remembered something. I could just revert my local copy back and not commit my changes. No sooner had i had the thought then i heard the voice again. "Oh so you think you can just revert back to trunk eh? Well think again tar boy" Just then i saw the menu for subclipse appear and i was clicking on the commit button. This is when i gave my best defense. I will not commit this vial code and you will not make me Satan! The others stopped laughing. "Is that so tar boy?" He asked me. Yes it is. was my response with clenched teeth. The look on his faced changed, the evil smile was gone and i knew he was not happy. "Well tar boy i will show you who's boss."
Just then the faces disappeared from my monitor. Not to think it was over, and it wasn't, they all appeared in my office. "Now we shall have some real fun." He said with a big smile on his face. The only thing i could do was call on a force greater then him and place my trust in It. I could tell it had an effect because of the look on Satan's face suddenly changed.
The other developers were rooting him on, and he was trying to control me the best he could. I could tell they had not picked up on the change yet. Oh so your finding it a little harder to control me aren't you? I asked with a smile of my own growing on my face. "You think you have something don't you tar boy?" He asked eyes exploding with large red veins, and spittle seeping from the corners of his mouth. I know i have something... or should i say Someone. I did not believe his eyes could get larger, but they did. At that moment i knew he knew who i was talking about. Oh that's right i called on the Ancient of Days. Him and i are very close friends. You should have known that. And your little helpers, there not the real guys i have come to know and trust now are they? I knew the father of lies could not resist that one. "Yes, they are your friends.. or should i say enemies, they are the ones that called me." Oh now are they? "Yes they are!" he said matter-of-factly. Well since now you know who is helping me, you should also know the power that the Ancient One has given me. His blood shot eyes went stone cold, and narrowed. "Your pathetic Ancient of Days is about as powerful as you are! And if you don't remove that smile from your face ill do it for you!" His statement made me smile only the more. If i could i would have had a smile from ear-to-ear, but my face does not contort that way, so i put on the biggest smile i could. I am smiling as big as i can for you punk... don't want you to miss it. I said to him as i stood up out of my chair. Now this was getting exciting. Watching him who thought he had great power struggle was so much fun. Oh and while you try to wipe this smile from my face i will reveal who my enemies really are. By this time his little minions had caught on that things had changed, and my statement combined with my actions of rising out of my chair really changed the tone.
So. i asked. You going to remove this smile from my face, or just wait for me to fall asleep again? I could tell he was thinking of his options. "Oh and one more thing." i added just to make sure i had his attention. "Don't even think of running, we have you surrounded. 360 surrounded" At this they all freaked. "You know you should not trap someone." He said looking directly at me with evil intent in his voice. "And you know there are six of us and only one of you." Well if it makes it any better i will defend myself with one had behind my back. "We shall see where your pride get's you young fool!" His hand raised and he called out. "Wormwood redeem yourself and remove this insolent child of Adam from this place." At that the being that looked like Ajt moved quickly forward, but not as fast as one would think. "Don't hesitate Wormwood" Satan said to encourage him on. "He's nothing like the ones you have faced before." I don't know who Wormwood had faced before, but i do believe that there was a lie in that statement just uttered by Satan.
Wormwood made his move forward, with fist flying. It was rather easy to block his punches and kicks. "You know wormwood, i just might need to fight you with one hand behind my back. Your pathetic." That was true. I have seen little dogs play fight tougher then this thing. "Maybe if you didn't expend some of your energy to appear in that human form, you would have more to fight with me." That had a definite affect on his thinking just then he changed from looking like Ajt to this hideous being.
His legs were are bent and contorted. His body was small and you could see his bones under his leather like skin.
to be continued ....